Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
