Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
