Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize