winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
