I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
