its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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