I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
