I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
