Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
