I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
