So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
