this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
