What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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