I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
