Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
