In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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