I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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