all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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