dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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