If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
