I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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