you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How's work?
Spinning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
