I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
