i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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