I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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