Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
