I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
