I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Barsexuality is the new black.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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