So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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