There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Even my vagina gasped.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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