did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
