so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Shame - the story of my life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
