I can tuck mytits in my pants
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He felt like a one man threesome
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
