im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
