I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
