Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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