Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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