I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
