I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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