His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
