Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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