I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
