just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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