why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize