my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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