if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
