there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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