Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
