The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize