i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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