Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
