If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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