Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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