Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
