just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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