sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
