She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize