I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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