i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
