Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were trust falling into bushes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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