Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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