If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
