oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
