His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
