I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
