i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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