I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
